Just now didn't have real dance practice. Just only for shooting... 3pm finished. But have to wait for the next practice at 7pm. Means that i have to go home and back to the studio again. I don't really like to have this kind of schedule but i have no choice, cuz have to suit the other 2 dancers schedule. In this 3 to 4 hours do nothing. Thought of going to shopping but the time is not available for me to do tht. Thought of going to meet my bf in 1U but he said he wanna back home. I really don't like the schedule like that. I not feeling good n mood getting decrease. Thought of not going to the practice tonight. But i have to be a dancer that is full of comitment and responsible.

And the other thing... i knew that i'm not a good dancer. I feel very inferior and doesn't have confidence of myself. Dance technique not as good as others. Creativity not as good as others. Pretty? I'm not as pretty as others. Ugly? Yes, I'm the ugliest among them. Performance experience not as rich as others. It is not strange that other not choosing me. Performing arts = reality. Others wont pity u. I have to accept the fate. Why that i have this kind of thinking and feeling? Why? God, what do u want me to know? What do u want me to learn? What do you wan me to do? God, where is my ability? I dont know.

Actually, nothing happened today. But this kind of thinking keep floating inside my mind. Nearly to cry in the dance department. The first person appear in my mind is my bf. But i know that he is quite tired cuz accompany his sister to shop in 1U. So i don dare to force him acompany me. I just ask for permission whether can go to meet him or not. Well, he decline. Thus I was not feeling good but i know that im not suppose to annoy and give trouble to him. The only thing i can do now is back to home and throw all my feelings and thinking into this blog. Blog, thank you so much for listening me.